“A son and a father”

By Denden A. Andang BSEd ENGLISH

It’s getting dark and all I can see is a thin light from afar. I was walking down our empty house, I knew that nobody’s home because I used to hear voices echoing even if you are distance away. I walk slowly thinking where could they be? The silence almost tortures my preoccupied mind. I couldn't find any reason why the house was empty? When I get to the door and about to open it there was a man standing right before I could distinguish who he was? As he get near me I saw a gloomy face that will surely suggests something was going wrong. I didn't bother asking my uncle why he was in our home and wearing that look instead I run to my room and started packing up my things. I know that look of my uncle addresses me that my father broke down from his ill-health. The silence with in the house evaporates when I receive a text message from my older sister. I know any moment in time I’ll break down but I tried to remain strong as much as I could.

While taking my way to the hospital I didn't notice that tears are already falling. I tried to hold it back but the fact that any of this moment everything will be too late. I prayed hard because I know that’s the only thing I could do for my father who is suffering from a disease I never expected to happen. Little by little my heart is being ragged, I can’t take the thought that, that ravenous disease would steal the one and only father I have. When I arrived at the hospital, I rushed into the entrance and quickly directed myself to my father’s assigned room. I’m already standing behind the door but I couldn't get my self inside. I wanted to get in but something stops me from moving and I know this is the feeling I wanted to escape from, that it might be too late and that everything will soon be over. I tried to compose my self and took the courage to enter the room. Then I realized I was wrong. The worries suddenly vanish. My mother stood up and told me to keep silent. For a moment I watched my father as he tried to chase his breathe and this is something that I don’t want to see. He was totally breathless and the only thing that helped him breathe in is the machine connected to him. It hurts to see him in that state. I would have wanted to take his place and get him away from that condition. I’d rather be on his place than to see him in too much pain. After an hour my father tried to move. He was talking but it was hard for us t understand him. I was surprised when he pointed on me but I don’t know what he was up to. My mother went near him and tried to ask my father what he was trying to express. A couple of minutes had passed. My mother approached me and told me to go home. I intently ask her why? But find no response from her. I wanted to stay with my father but my mother wouldn't want me to, and I simply don’t know why? I tried to ask her for the second time, and her answer struck me with pain.

            Two months have passed by very fast. My father departed this life. Life has been so unfair to me and the rest of the family. The day he died is the same day I felt I was lost and nowhere to be found. I was alone and trying to take in what had happened.  My father’s lost almost kill my existence as a happy and funny person. But I have to be strong not just for my self but for my mother I know who felt so much pain more than we do. Days without my father around left our home in silence and sorrow.  Nobody dared to talk about him not without my mother who kept on encouraging us to live like we all do before. Although pain is still drawn on my mother’s face we all decided to keep our own feelings to ease my mother’s misery. Later on we learned to accept that my father is gone and continue our life in the absence of someone to call father.

            It’s an ordinary day to call. Something slips out from my mouth that I didn't intend to ask but something pushed me. My mother in surprised answered back. Suddenly tears fell down my cheek. I didn't know what to say because I was left dumbfounded. My father intended not to see me in the hospital because he does not want to see me crying. That he does not want to see his son in pain because of his condition. Then I realize how lucky I am to be his son and to have him as my father.